Many children today grow up in a single family home often as
a result of death or divorce. Along with what may be problems or disadvantages
to children, there are things that can lead to a successful single parent
family.
It’s important to remember that not all children growing up
in single-parent families experience negative consequences, just as not all
children growing up in two-parent families have a positive experience. More
importantly, focusing on the weaknesses and problems doesn't help single
parents and their children become strong. What helps is to offer support to the
single parent and children that will assist them in becoming strong, whole and
holy. Here is what a group of successful single parents reported were keys to
their success:
Acceptance of responsibility.
Successful single parents accept the responsibilities and challenges of
single parenting. They neither minimize nor exaggerate problems but seek
solutions. They acknowledge the difficulties (e.g., lack of personal time,
restricted social life, sole responsibility for meeting multiple needs,
financial stress) without self-pity or bitterness.
Commitment to family. Successful
single parents make the family their highest priority. They focus on being the
best possible single parent, which often means putting the needs of the
children first. They genuinely like and enjoy their children, sacrificing time,
money and energy for the sake of the children. They try to be supportive,
patient and help children cope. Like other effective parents, they are
consistent and non-punitive. This discipline style gives children choices, uses
natural and logical consequences and provides structure.
Open communication. Successful single parents foster
open communication. These parents encourage clear and open expression of
thoughts and feelings in the family as a key to developing honest and trusting
relationships. They foster individuality within a supportive family unit. These
parents strive to accomplish this individuality and independence by each member
having individual interests and building individual skills.
Successful home management. Successful
single parents manage the family needs well. They strive to be well-organized,
dependable and work hard to coordinate schedules. They take pride in their
ability to financially provide for the family, although finances often remain a
struggle. One single mother effectively organized her children to help with
chores. She typed out the jobs for the day on 3x5-inch cards and expected a
report before dinner.
Care of self. Successful single parents take care of
themselves. Despite lack of time, these parents recognize that caring for themselves is essential. They attempt to achieve it through
physical, spiritual, emotional and/or social means. They are connected to
other adults on whom they can call on for practical, emotional and spiritual
support.
Maintain rituals, traditions and relationships.
Successful single-parent families maintain rituals and traditions, whether
bedtime routines, special family time together or holiday celebrations. A
tradition is any event with special or meaning to a family. When a family
has been disrupted, maintaining traditions becomes a stabilizing force,
something that can be depended on.
If the other parent is living,
successful single parents encourage the child's involvement with the
nonresidential parent, as long as the other parent doesn't present some
danger to the child. When possible, the other parent shares
responsibility for the children and regardless of where children live, they
receive economic and emotional support of both parents.
Have a positive outlook on challenges. Successful
single parents have a positive attitude toward parenting and life in general.
They see positive aspects in stressful situation and feel that they have
succeeded despite many doubts.
All families, including single-parent families, have
strengths. Achieving success as a single parent is difficult, and it can be
done. As with any family, you can have the quality of family life that you
want, if you are willing to pay the price.