Raising Compassionate Kids

These days, the Golden Rule sometimes appears to be admirable but outdated. The message of “do unto others” can get lost amid electronic and computer games that make killing a sport, movies and television shows that portray gangs, war, and violence, brawling fans at basketball games, and a “me-first” attitude among so many in our society. How can parents teach their children about respect and empathy today?

There’s a Native American story that speaks to this. It may be familiar to you. A grandfather was sitting around the fire with his grandson, and told him that he had two wolves inside him. The grandson looked at his grandfather with eyes wide open as his grandfather told him that the two wolves are always fighting each other. One wolf is disrespectful, selfish and violent. The other is kind, compassionate and generous. With a troubled look, the grandson asked with great concern, “Which wolf will win?” His grandfather replies, “Whichever one I choose to feed.”

Most parents I know are trying “to feed” and support the innate goodness within their children. They are the primary educators of their children, the ones who normally love, nurture, and instruct them. If a child is born into a caring and loving family, he or she has a good foundation in life. Whenever the family prays together and shares the spirit of Jesus with the children in their home, they plant the seeds of goodness, which will hopefully take root in their children.

When a child sees his or her parent model compassion and respect for others, the child will tend to do the same. If we want to raise compassionate children, we have to live lives of compassion ourselves. Simple everyday actions, like visiting an elderly or sick neighbor, participating in a community service project or regularly collecting can goods for the local food bank, can do more than any words to teach children about compassion.

Generally, children try to model the behavior of their parents, family and friends and reach out with respect and kindness to others. However, they can also learn contrary lessons. When children are insensitive and disrespectful to others, they need parental guidance. It’s important for a parent to discuss these incidents with the child. To be credible to a child and make any difference in his or her life, it’s also important that the parent’s words match their own behavior.

Research indicates that peers have tremendous influence on a child’s behavior. Television also affects attitudes and behavior. Children need love and guidance as they make choices in life. Parents might want to consider limiting the time children spend in front of the TV, and also keep an eye on what their children are watching. Watching with their children and then discussing the shows, increases a parent’s influence.

While some television shows and movies seem to promote selfish characters and violence, there are also shows that portray respect and empathy. One example on ABC is “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.” This program, acclaimed last year by Sojourner magazine, embraces compassion and goodness as it reaches out to help people who are struggling because of poverty, illness, accidents or other misfortunes that limit the resources they have available to help themselves. As a family watches this show, they could discuss the contents and perhaps the conversation could lead to a question like, “What could our family do to help others who are in need?” Once again, life is filled with choices, and if we watch programs that are rooted in goodness, who knows what valued experiences and possible opportunities will follow!

How do you “feed” the wolves that are part of your life? What do you model for your children? Do your children see you ignore someone begging on the street or do they see you showing compassion? Do you teach compassion to your children by modeling Jesus’ life of care and concern for others? Families can provide a consistently positive influence on developing children. They will grow into loving adults if you “feed” them in the ways of respect and compassion for others, acceptance of differences and peace and reconciliation.