Holidays and Realistic Expectations for Parents

• Help your child understand the true meaning of Christmas and to celebrate that.
• Through holidays, children learn the importance of celebration, ritual and other important values that enhance life and build strong connections within the family and community. If the emphasis is placed on gifts, food, clothes, toys and decorations, expect children to associate holidays with things. If the emphasis is on the birth of Jesus, family and church celebration/ritual, community, friends, and giving, expect them to associate holidays with their faith, people, sharing and being together.
• Stress is common at holiday time: trying to do too much, expecting too much, too much family togetherness, and time with extended family can lead to tension. Children experience stress at holiday time too for a variety of reasons: the stress and tension of the adults around them, gifts and decorations around the house that they are not allowed to touch, changes in their usual routine and new situations, rituals, and foods.
• Someone who is grieving a loss, such as the death of a parent, spouse or child, a divorce, a family feud may be sadder during the holidays.
• It’s not an adult’s job to fulfill every desire or wish of a child. Rather, children need help understanding expectations around giving and receiving gifts, as well as that their desire are being influenced by the advertisements they see.
• Toddlers need to be introduced to a holiday without forcing them to participate; let them experience the holiday in their own way. For instance, they may be overwhelmed with too many gifts and just as happy with the box and ribbon as with the gift inside. Don’t expect them to be grateful.
• Children will notice the differences and similarities in how families celebrate. Talk with them about why not all families celebrate the same holidays and why families celebrate in different ways.
• Holidays are usually not perfect. People often expect too much. When families focus on the positive experiences of the holiday, instead of what’s not perfect, then children will most likely have warm and positive memories.
• Let go of unrealistic expectations and everyone else’s idea of what a holiday should be. Design your holiday to be what will hold meaning for your family and schedule your activities to meet your family’s need.
• Prepare your children ahead of time for problems that may come up:

What to do if they get a gift they don’t like.s

How to handle having visitors that disrupt the household.

How much candy and treats are allowed when so much is available.

Anything that may have been a problem in the past.