Family Life: Take Time to Stop, Reflect and Choose
Often during my parish and mission visits in Southeast I
meet men and women who talk about wanting their family life to be different
from what seem to be our cultural norms. In fact, I’ve learned that the
opportunity for creating such an alternative seems to be what brings and keeps
many people in
It seems that many people today get to the point of no longer knowing how to slow themselves down other than flopping in front of the TV and mindlessly watching. The pace of life increases each year as the latest technology enables us to get more done while leaving us more and more depleted. The result is that it is not only your family that doesn’t get enough of you; you don’t get enough of yourself.
To live a more intentional life, try committing yourself to making what you can clearly identify as “good time choices” for family. Instead of simply drifting unthinkingly into the next work moment, teach yourself to stop, reflect and make intentional choices all day long about how you want to spend your time. You may find that you’ll be more refreshed and available for family at the end of the day.
Here is another typical source of pressure on the family. Parents often share their sadness about observing in their young adult children what appears to be a lack of motivation and responsibility. Perhaps another way of considering this is to see how sometimes parents’ great desire to do all of the right things for their children over many years is actually an overindulgence. In the long run this can be an obstacle to their children really growing up.
The perfectly decorated nursery, the right playgroup, special classes and the all-too-many extras parents want to give their children can breed a kind of narcissism. This misplaced earnestness can be another expression of overindulgence.
Sometimes parents rely on “too-much-giving” to make up for the “too-little-me” time that they have available for their children. This can convey a message that the child is the family’s power center. Sadly, the children in such situations can lose a sense of understanding and concern for others, even for their parents.
Having too much or having too little of what is healthy for us is what creates narcissists. The “too little” is seen in children of neglect or sometimes in children left to do everything on their own all the time: meals, homework, games, bedtimes, baths and so on. Again, the challenge is to find the balance.
Some parents very carefully choose the time to be present to their children. Times of transition, such as between home and school, school and home, and at bedtime, are especially critical. Taking this time and being truly present helps to ensure smoother transitions for both children and parents. Then the parents can go back to what they need to do and children will learn to respect that too.
In our families it is absolutely essential to take time to stop, reflect and be intentional in making choices. Practicing this is a parenting discipline that promises to enrich the lives of the adults and children alike.