Families Celebrate Lent, 2005

When I was growing up, among the most FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions) during Lent was, “What did you give up?” I was taught that Lent was a time of strict penance, a forty-day marathon of denial with Easter Sunday as the finish line. I imagine even today, for many people, Lent is still seen as a test of endurance. How can we transform it into a time of conversion, of deepening our relationship with God? How can we set out together on a journey, both as individuals and as a family?

In the nearly 40 years since the church began its renewal at the Second Vatican Council, we have grown into a new understanding of Lent. As often happens, it actually grows out of a renewed look at traditional spiritual practices: prayer, fasting and almsgiving (works of charity and justice.) Each of these disciplines can lead to conversion of heart, conversion to the Gospel. And each of the practices supports one another. Praying will strengthen us for fasting and deepen our capacity for charity. Fasting enlarges our hearts and quiets our spirits. Works of charity give our fasting purpose and gives focus to our prayer.

For Catholics, spiritual practices are always expressed in physical ways. In the sacraments we are invited to experience inner cleansing by pouring water. We experience healing by anointing with oil and spiritual nourishment by eating bread and wine. When we fast, denying ourselves something or some activity, we get in touch with our soul’s deep hunger for God whose love we desire to know.

Sometimes we fast from what is essentially good. We do so in a spirit of penance, and to demonstrate our preference for something higher. Other times we are intentional about fasting from habits that we want to change, though we struggle to do so. Fasting can remove the distractions that keep us from being aware of the presence of God. It puts us in touch with our bodies, helps us identify with the poor and hungry, strengthens our resolve, clears our thinking and makes us more attentive to prayer and more thoughtful of others.

Besides the prescribed fast and abstinence for the adults in the family, invite your family, to decide on one or two things to fast from during Lent. You’ll know what fits your family best. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

• Think about how to take good care of your body. How might you pay attention to that in your fasting this Lent? As a family, make some good decisions about what you will eat and drink, and when you will eat and drink for the next forty days.
• Fast by refraining from talking and taking time to listen – and ultimately, to pray - either alone or together. When possible, don’t add any other sounds, such as music, radio or television to your quiet time.
• We all have very busy lives. If you give time this Lent to prayer and good works, where will the time come from? Do you need to fast from time spent in front of screens, whether television or computer. While they are essentially good, they can also be distractions.
• Consider fasting from bad habits like saying unkind things about others, using inappropriate language, or always being late.

Fasting is not just for us; its purpose is to enlarge our hearts so we can become aware of others in need. This is one way we can be certain that we are growing in God’s love.

Prayer is essential to Christian family life. Lent is a good time to cherish the old and learn something new: reading a scripture passage slowly and prayerfully, meditative singing or chanting, the rosary, stations of the cross, litanies, praying spontaneously, or sitting together in deep, rich silence. What practice can your family make a commitment to this Lent?

Be creative. Remember that what is important is not the number of prayers we say, rather that we draw closer to God during these forty days. Here are a few other suggestions:

• As you listen to the news, select a person or persons who are definitely in need of prayer and pray for them, by name, at mealtimes and other times of family prayer. Make them your family’s “prayer person of the week.”
• Make bedtime a time for forgiveness. Take time to say, “I’m sorry,” for whatever may have happened during the day. End with a touch, a hug, a kiss.
• Sprinkle holy water to bless your children at bedtime before saying “good-night,” or make the sign of the cross on their foreheads.
• With your children recall the stories of Jesus’ passion and death, and draw pictures on construction paper to represent these Stations of the Cross. Place them around the house, and some evening after dinner visit each station with your children.

Almsgiving often makes us think of financial contributions. We can also give alms through the sharing of our time, our gifts or our treasure with others. Each of us has numerous opportunities to give alms both within and outside the family. Here are a few suggestions:

For giving outside the family:

• Who lives alone in your neighborhood? Pay him or her a visit or extend an invitation to dinner.
• Focus some day on building people up. Make a point to affirm people and thank them.
• Write an e-mail or send a letter to a friend who has been waiting to hear from you.
• Gather toys, food, clothes, or personal care items for the poor.
• Assist a single mother or an elderly person with spring cleaning.

For giving within the family

• Remember the magic words: thank you, please, you’re welcome and I’m sorry.
• Parents can try to spend some time alone with each of your children.
• Children can go to bed without a fuss or delay.
• Let the children plan the menu and activity for a family night.
• Offer to help with the laundry or put the groceries away without being asked.

There are many ways to keep Lent as a family. Hopefully you now have some ideas about how you might do this. The important thing is that your family talks together. In this way each person feels a sense of ownership, about how given your particular needs and situation you will keep Lent this year. Be creative and realistic. Lent lasts only six weeks. Choose practices that you can reasonably sustain.

Remember, lent is not an endurance contest! On Ash Wednesday we are challenged to “turn away from sin and be faithful to the Gospel.” Being faithful to a Lenten practice promises to lead us to new life.